One big not so happy family
by DuoJagan
Summary: Team Toguro and the Reikai Tantei have to live in the same house. To make matters worse, a crazy narrator and his friend are doing all they can to make life random. 1st chapter sort of an intro. srry for the first summary that looked liked it was made by


Duojagan- No, I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or anything else mentioned. BUT I WILL! (MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAH faints from lack of breath un-faints himself HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH killed by Sekah springs alive HA!) AND THAT IS WHY WE NEED TO FIND A STORE THAT SELLS MISSILE LAUNCHERS. HELP ME WITH THIS PHONE BOOK!

Sanzoeclipsekuramaarehot- OK! oo

DJ- "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY! MY FIRST FANFIC!"

Sekah- "GAAAAAAAAH! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! Or sanity. Whichever you value most. TELL INSERT LOVERS NAME HERE THAT I LOVE HIM! OR HER! I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET!" goes into convulsions.

DJ- "Your sexual orientation not being the issue here, I'm going to ignore the fact that you exist for awhile. Do you mind?"

Sekah- "Yes, but do you care?"

DJ- "No." oo "And why are you here! You don't come till later!"

Sekah fades from reality. Cause she can do that. And so can Duo. Cause were gods. OF UNKILLABLE GLOWY PENS! PHEER MY GLOWY PEN THAT CAN NEVER DIE! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAH!

Kurama (who's been sitting here watching this with sweat drops)- "Um, hello? Who… are you? And… WHY ARE YOU IN A CHICKEN SUIT!"

DJ- "Hi victim number one! WELCOME TO MY FAN FIC! I am the narrator, the all mighty powerful, and insane, DUOJAGAN! PHEER ME! And I am in a chicken suit because CHICKENS ARE EVIL AND SO AM I! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kurama groaned, all too aware of the fact that when there is an insane narrator making a story, there will undoubtedly be torture.

DJ- "Wake up the other characters so I can torture all of you at once!"

Kura-"If you're so omnipotent, you should be able to do it."

DJ- "FOOL! YOU DARE QUESTION THE NARRATORS POWER!"

Kura- "Ummm… yes?"

DJ- "Oh… in that case…"

Hiei, Yusuke, and Kuwabara appear next to Kurama.

DJ- "MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, NOW I CAN TORTURE YOU ALL!"

Kuwa- "Hey, shrimp, I've finally found someone crazier than you. The writer must be really stuck for ideas if he's using this guy,"

DJ- "Kurama, I take back what I said earlier. KUWABARA WILL BE THE FIRST TO DIE!"

(For all of you that think the story is dull, don't worry. It's about to get reallllllllly funny and random.)

A teenage girl suddenly appeared next to Kuwabara.

Kuwa- "WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM?"

Teenage girl- "FROM THE LAND DOWN UNDER, WHERE THE ROBIN HOODS ROAM, AND THE MONTY PYTHONS PLAAAAAAAAAAAY, WHERE SELDOM IS HEARD, A SANE WOOOOOOOOOORD, AND THE KNIGHTS SAY NIIIIIII ALL DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

Yu- "Roight…"

DJ- "EVERYONE, MEET MY FRIEND, SEKAH!"

Kura- "Do you HAVE to yell?"

DJ- "NO!"

Hi- "sigh Ok, then, how will she torture us." (Resigned to whatever fate is in store for him).

Sekah- "KURAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Kura- "OH, GOD, SHE'S A FAN GIRL! RUUUUUUUUUUN!"

Sekah waved her arms and a black dog appeared next to Kuwabara, who was still looking blankly at the sky trying to figure out where Sekah had come from. But he COULDN'T! 'CAUSE SHE CAME FROM NOWHERE! HAHA!

Sekah- "Ok Sirius, go sick him while I chase KURAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

The giant dog then leaped upon Kuwabara and started ripping out his vital organs. Actually, he was just mauling Kuwabara, but we can all wish he was killed.

Sekah- "KURAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Wait! Is that Hiei? HIEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

DJ- "Hmmmmm, not random enough for my fan fic. Kurama, say good-bye to your most prized possession. That's right, your hair!"

A giant pair of scissors appeared next to Kurama.

OO

Kura- "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Yu- "Hey, I'm the star of the show! Aren't you going to try to torture me?"

Keiko appears from nowhere. Not nowhere like Sekahs nowhere. Just… nowhere.

Kei- "YUSUKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Yusuke gulped. "Hi Keiko…."

Kei- "YUSUKE YOU DITCHED SCHOOL! I'M GOING TO SLAP YOU UNTIL THERE'S A PERMANENT IMPRINT ON YOUR FACE!"

Yu- "But the narrator forced me to miss school!"

Kei- "NO EXCUSES!"

Keiko grew demon horns, a devil tail, and unusually sharp teeth, and pulled a pitchfork from nowhere. Which nowhere? SEKAHS, OBVIOUSLY, 'CAUSE SEKAHS NOWHERE HAS THINGS LIKE THAT FLOATING AROUND WAITING TO BE SUMMONED BY VENGEFUL RANDOM EVIL THINGS!

Kei- "This won't do."

Puts away pitchfork and pulls out a flamethrower.

Kei- "MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHA…"

Keiko started chasing Yusuke with the flamethrower while laughing insanely.

Meanwhile…………. Kurama was cornered against a wall.

Kura- "SURELY YOU WON'T END IT LIKE THIS!"

DJ- "Your right."

The scissors disappeared and Karasu appeared from yet another version of nowhere in their place.

Kura- "OH MY GOD THIS IS MUCH WORSE YOU BAKA SARU!"

DJ- "HEY, I AM NOT A MONKEY! STUPID, YES, BUT NOT A MONKEY!"

Kura- "WHY DON'T YOU COME DOWN HERE AND PROVE IT!"

DJ- "OK I WILL!"

Kara- "Kurama stop arguing with the narrator."

Karasu took a step closer to Kurama who automatically backed up.

Kara- "I have always admired that masoch…"

Karasu was interrupted by a turtle that appeared out of ©Nowhere (not Sekah's or Keiko's, but OFFICIAL FAN FICTION NOWHERE, WHICH IS COPYRIGHTED! HOW THEY COPYRIGHTED A STATE OF BEING I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A STATE OF BEING IS, LET ALONE HOW TO COPYRIGHT ONE!) and latched onto his face. The turtle started to sing some eighties love song.

Turt- "OH BABY HOW I FELL ABOUT YOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!"

Karasu, like any normal person, tried to blow up his head to get the turtle off of him. Kurama turned around. A teenage boy with dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a machine gun stood behind him. "I told you I wasn't a monkey."

Kura- "YOU'RE INSIDE THE FAN FIC!"

Duo- "DUH! I am the narrator and thus have all mighty narrator abilities. Well actually I am myself created by the narrator, because my alter ego cannot leave his narrating position, he just made someone identical to himself and sent him in."

Kura- "But then how were you wearing a chicken suite before? Oh whatever, why did you do that to Karasu?"

Duo- "THAT WORD HE SAID EMOTIONALLY SCARRED SEKAH AND PHYSICALLY SCARED ME"

Kura- "PHYSICALLY?" Sekah jumped beside Kurama.

"Yah, when I told him the definition, a knife fell from the ceiling and cut his arm." Sekah looked at Karasu, who had somehow destroyed his left leg when he had been aiming at his face. "WERE YOU TRYING TO TORTURE KURAMA BY SENDING KARASU AT HIM?"

Duo- "Ummmmmmm… yes?"

Sekah- "HOW DARE YOU! YOU MUST DIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE! IN THE NAME OF RED HEADED PRETTY BOY WARRIORS I MUST KILL YOU!

Animefan303: DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Animefan303: Duo- "HEY, AT LEAST I STOPPED FROM CUTTING HIS HAIR OFF!"

Sekah- "You…. tried to cut Kurama's hair off…"

Duo- "Uh, oh..."

Sekah- "IN THE NAME OF ALL RANDOM AND PAINFUL THINGS, I WILL DESTROY YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

Duo- "Not if I defend myself!"

A giant tuna fish came out of the sky and into Duos hands.

Duo- "HAH!"

Sekah- "IT'S NO MATCH FOR THE SWORD OF RABID FAN GIRLS!"

A sword popped into Sekah's hands. A fan girls face came out of the blade, looked at Duo, shrieked, looked at Kurama, and lunged at him.

Sword- "KURAMA MY LOVE!"

Duo- "Hah, your sword is useless!"

Sekah- "What can a tuna do?"

Duo- "It's a salmon!"

Sekah- "You said yourself that it was a giant tuna!"

Duo- "I think I know a lobster when I see it."

Sekah- "That's not a lobster!"

Duo- "I never said it was."

Sekah- "You said you knew a lobster when you saw one."

Duo- "Yah, but that doesn't mean this is a lobster."

Sekah- "THEN WHAT IS IT?"

Duo- "A lobster."

Sekah- "BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA!"

Random Person- "PLEASE DON'T FIGHT!"

An audience had gathered around them, and (what did you expect) at least one of the people in the crowd didn't want to see blood.

Sekah "FIGHT? WHERE!"

Duo, who also seemed to have a very short memory, joined her.

Duo- "THERE'S A FIGHT!"

Sekah- "COOL, A FIGHT!"

Duo- "I SHOULD BRING MY MACHINE GUN!"

Sekah- "I LOVE MACHINE GUNS!"

Duo- "REALLY?"

Sekah- "YAH!"

Duo- "MACHINE GUN! WHERE?"

Sekah- "What about machine guns?"

The audience (who all by this point were drowning in sweat drops) asked in sync, "ARE YOU TWO INSANE!"

"INSANE? COOL!" both of the crazy teens said in sync (cause being in sync is cool)

"Cooool, insane. Pain killers are fun!"

RP- "What does that have to do with anything?"

Duo- "Were addicted to pain killers, and human flesh, but HEY, PAIN KILLERS!"

The two pulled pain killers out of nowhere (woooow, there must be a great nowhere machine somewhere. Wait. Were would it be? You can't put a nowhere machine in nowhere, and nothing can't come out of something… confused!) And gulped them down.

RP- "Where did you get those pain killers?"

Sekah- "CAN'T YOU READ? WE PULLED THEM OUT OF NOWHERE!"

Hi- "HEY, A CROWD OF INNOCENT PEOPLE!"

Sekah- "COOL! TIME FOR MISPLACED AGGRESSION!"

The two pulled out machine guns and started killing people.

"Wait a minute," Kurama said, "Where's Hiei?"

"Right here." Hiei looked like he had been trampled, barbequed, and strangled.

Kura- "What happened?"

(Flash back)

Hiei slashed his sword at Sekah, who dodged it and hugged Hiei. Hiei ducked under the hug and slid backwards.

Sekah- "HIEI LET ME HUG YOU!"

Hi- "NEVER!"

Sekah- "You're mean."

Hi- "Thank you."

Sekah- "I love you."

Hi- "I HATE YOU!"

"WAHHHHHHH!" Sekah ran away.

Hi- "Okay..."

Sekah turned around and threw a giant fireball at Hiei.

Sekah then disappeared, then reappeared from nowhere and pummeled Hiei with a giant turkey.

Hiei fell flat on his back.

Hi- "INSANE..."

Sekah started jumping up and down on Hiei until she stopped, looked down and shouted "HIEI, HUG ME!"

Hi- "…Never..."

Sekah- "Ok."

Sekah turned to go, but paused and tossed the turkey over her shoulder and into Hiei's lap, were it exploded. Then more turkeys fell from the sky and beat Hiei's mangled corpse to an even more bloodied pulp.

(End flash back)

Kura- "How did you get rid of the chickens?"

Hi- "How did you look at my flash back?" (Twilight zone music)

Kura- "That doesn't matter. How did you kill the chickens?"

Hi- "Turkeys."

Kura- "WHATEVER!"

Hi- "Who says I killed them?" A giant parade of turkeys marched down the hill towards Hiei and Kurama.

Sekah jumped in front of Hiei. "I couldn't help over seeing your flash back so I ran over here to help you."

Hi- "HOW IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT MY FLASH BACKS!"

Sekah- "I… don't …know."

Duo- "WHO CARES ABOUT THE FLASH BACK? KILL THE CHICKENS!"

Sekah- "TURKEYS!"

Duo- "SHUT UP! I'm A GENIUS, YOU FOOL! DON'T CORRECT ME!"

Hi- "FOOL IS MY WORD!"

Kura- "JUST SHUT UP AND GET RID OF THE CHICKENS!"

Hi- "SHE'S THE ONE GETTING RID OF THE CHICKENS!"

Sekah- "TURKEYS!"

Hi- "WHO CARES!"

Suddenly, evil mutated puppy dog hit men appeared out of nowhere and started mauling the turkeys, George Bush, and innocent civilians.

Kura- "What are those cute little fluffies?"

Sekah- "My army of evil mutated puppy dog hit men. I use them to hurt Duo when he annoys me, kill strangers who I don't have grudges against, and when the mail man comes, I feed them."

"YOU WHAT?"

Duo walked over with barneys head on a pike. "Hey, why didn't you help me kill Barney?"

Sekah- "BARNEY? WHERE? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!"

Hi- "You're afraid… of Barney."

Duo- "She should be, just look at my flash back."

Kura- "WHY CAN WE SEE EACH OTHERS FLASH BACKS!"

Duo- "SHUT UP!"

(Flash back)

Barney, the oh so evil purple dinosaur- "Clean up, clean up, be-fore I whip you more, clean up, clean up. Oh, the show's almost over. GET UP YOU SLAVES! I love you, if you don't love me, I'll kill you and your mommies..."

Duo jumped through a wall and attacked Barney.

Duo- "I MUST LIBERATE THE KIDS SO THEY CAN GROW INTO INNOCENT ADULTS THAT I CAN KILL!"

(End flash back)

Duo stared proudly at Barneys head stuck on the pike. He suddenly had a (not so) brilliant thought. Which he decided to share with the others. Loudly.

Duo- "HEY! LET'S GET THE OTHERS HERE SO THE CAN SEE MY VICTORY!"

Yusuke, who was about to be attacked by Keiko (who had just pulled two machine guns and was advancing with a distinctly homicidal look on her face) disappeared and landed next to Duo. Kuwabara did the same.

Duo- "Thank you me."

Duo- "No problem, fan fiction version of myself." Yelled back the narrator.

Sekah- "What's going on?"

Duo- "I don't know, what is going on?

Sekah- "I don't know."

Duo- "Want to be friends?"

Sekah- "Sure."

Duo- "COOL!"

"YOU SICKED KARASU ON KURAMA!"

Duo- "Um... look, Sesshomaru's tail!"

Sekah- "WHERE?"

Yu- "RUN!"

The guys ran as Sekah summoned the rabid fan girls.

Hi- "We're doomed."

Duo- "Yah? So?"

Kura- "I can't believe this! You've created a monster."

Duo- "No, Sekah created a monster." Duo stood perfectly still and an aura of fire appeared around him. The fire disappeared.

Duo- "Now I have created a monster."

There were several loud thuds.

Duo- "Everyone, meet Sheepy."

Oh NO! Duo's psychotic and random summoning has brought a powerful enemy into the game. What will happen to the team? What is this sheep shaped monster named Sheepy? What will Karasu do? What will Sekah do? WHEN WILL I STOP ASKING ALL OF THESE STUPID QUESTIONS!

Editors (Sekah's) note- I hate the world. I had to edit this. If you think that's easy, look at the original copy in the next chapter. Now worship me, pathetic ningens, for the anguish I endured were beyond any torment that can enter your fertile minds. And I abhor grammar to. Oh, well. VICTORY SHALL BE MINE!

OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH, HOT CHOCOLATE! ME WANT THE HOT CHOCOLATE!

Duo- "Yes, follow the chocolate, don't mind the huge canyon opening up in front of you with the big sharp rocks at the bottom…"

Sekah- "Awwww, it's just Ovaltine. Wait… this is an assassination attempt! Well guess what? I'm telling everyone that I FOUND THIS COMPATIBILITY TEST WITH YOUKO, AND DUO'S REAL NAME WAS 89 COMPATIBLE! HAHAA! DUO AND YOUKO SITTING IN A TREE, K-I-S-S-I-N-G…"

Youko- "DEATH TREE!"


End file.
